Monday, September 27, 2004
The good thing about writing a diary is that you can turn your life's book back a few pages and let what you are visit what you were. My "poems" and notes have helped me keep a fairly accurate log of my musings since my late teens. Sadly(?), the "poems" are in Tamil and I am a bit too lazy to translate. But the notes I have made from books I read are worth recounting....
Five extracts stand out. They aren't eminently quotable. Nor are they the best lines I have read. And yet, here they are - stuck in my mind for years now. I even remember where I was when I first read them and I vividly recollect the context in which they appear in their respective books. No friend of mine who has read these books has ever recollected these lines as particularly striking. No review mentions them. But there they remain in "Monday 27 December 1999" and "Tuesday 4 January 2000" of my diary - personal relics that have grown richer and pithier with age like old wine.
To Kill A Mocking Bird:
Atticus to his son Jem : "I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It's when you know you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through, no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do"
Our Man in Havana:
The cruel come and go like cities and thrones and powers, leaving their ruins behind them, They had no permanence. But, the clown he had seen last year at the circus - that clown was permanent, for his act never changed. That was the way to live.
Running From Safety:
We lived those years together, but our convictions were so different that today we remember different pasts.
The God of Small Things:
It is after all so easy to shatter a story; to break a chain of thought; To ruin a fragment of a dream being carried around like a piece of porcelain. To let it be, to travel with it, is much the harder thing to do.
Our Man In Havana:
To each man, a city consists of no more than a few streets, a few horses, a few people. Remove those few and a city exists no longer except as a pain in the memory, like the pain of an amputated leg no longer there.
Thursday, September 23, 2004
I was among those who believed in divine judgement visiting sinners. I sincerely hoped that if I adhered to my values and kept my faith in my "God", He'll test me, put me through fire and will embrace me when I walk through unharmed with my faith intact.
All was well with God's green earth until some "heretics" and their writings left me feeling rather queasy. From Bertrand Russell to Epicurus to E.V.Ramaswamy to even The Holy Bible, many a written word shaped my stance. I owe a lot of my current atheist leaning to Bertrand Russell's essays but the legendary Riddle of Epicurus captures my questions perfectly -
Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?
Let's face it. This isn't the best way for an all-powerful force to run the universe. Let me cite the most disgusting human specimens I can think off - child rapists! (Don't you frown at the word! 76% of Delhi's rape victims are minors!!!) Aren't they the good old Lord's lost sheep too? What about the poor goddamned child? May be, the sinner will be made to repent soon but why would the Lord let him sin in the first place?
The classic rebuttal to this is that we need a higher form of intelligence to perceive God - we need to rise beyond the material world. Some friends even go to the extent of asking - how do you know that the world around you is actually what you perceive it to be? Oh, maya, that often misused Hindu cure-all!!! Why couldn't God make us all simple honest humans living lives devoid of illusions of greed, lust and jealousy? What would you call parents who make a child grow in a totally illusory surrounding and then release it into the world to figure its own way through? Yeah, you said it - God, as professed by most religions, is a perverted sadist!
They keep asking me - "don't you believe in any superior being or power?". I don't know. The said "Superior Being" might merely be a electro-magnetic field waiting for physics to unveil it. Or it might be a real "living" being. But as long as it isn't an all-embracing, benevolent force, I refuse to worship it!
Trust me, atheism isn't an escape from worldly morals and responsibilities. In fact, as a non-believer, you dread wrong-doing all the more because there is no altar for you to go beg forgiveness at. You alone are responsible for all you do and you would have to live with it for the rest of your life! Death, defeats, ill-health, your own conscience - all these hit you with the mind-numbing force of reality! No heaven for the atheist, no hell - only an earth to do the best he can!
May be, when I die and ascend to "heaven", I'll realise to my dismay that "God" does exist! But, rather than fold up and repent, I'm sure I'll have a deluge of four-letter words for the "Heavenly Force" that makes so many lives on earth sheer unadulterated Hell!
Thursday, September 16, 2004
Walking Into The Sunset...
"Aging gracefully" is at times a cruel oxymoron. It is beyond most people to accept deteriorating health, changing social conditions, descent in the status ladder, increased dependency and oppressive loneliness that are the curse of old age. The tragedy of becoming time's relic - an anachronistic joke in the middle of a world busy moving ahead - is a fate that most of us who live long might not escape.
But this is the story of a patriarch in his late seventies who is walking into the proverbial sunset with his head held high - a man who has been an idol for his grandchildren, provider for many a relative, an ever ready source of expert counsel and great fun to be with. Not only has sharing the past several years with my grandfather been sheer joy but it has also given many lessons in how life ought to be lived.
Grandpa learnt his ropes under strict British disciplinarians in the tea estates of Sri Lanka's Nuwara Eliya district. The values and meticulousness he imbibed then have survived to this day. Even now, things need to be done with the immediacy and precision of a military camp at home. Bills are neatly filed, phone calls are diligently recorded, the smallest of batteries have date-stamps on their backs, newspaper cuttings of the slightest relevance are immediately posted to grandchildren... I could go on and on...
Grandpa still takes care of his and Grandma's expenses by himself. What's more, he has been helping with the education and well-being of almost all his grandchildren. And with two great-granddaughters now, he is likely to do his bit for them as well. The only financial redress we are allowed to make is in the form of small gifts. Anything more is refused with characteristic sternness.
But what set Grandpa apart are his principles. No he isn't a local leader or activist, but he is a study in social responsibility.
While most of us crib about bribing, we seldom realise how difficult life can get without the occasional "tip" to the phone-repairman, power linesman, postman and others. Grandpa has always refused payment to these notorious specimens of government inefficiency and yet manages to get his work done.
This is how a typical post-repair conversation with the telephone guy goes -
Worker: "Sir, something for tea, tiffin...."
Grandpa: "I'll give you as much as you want. But give me a bill for the amount. I'll claim it from your manager!!!!"
And every department that tried its dirty tricks and delaying tactics with Grandpa ended up losing badly. If there is undue delay, letters written in neat cursive are dispatched, ascending the ranks in quick succession until some serious officer sets things right (often with severe reprimands to the miscreants). Trust me, it works!!! Grandpa is living proof that our laziness drives bribery as much as politicians do!
Grandpa is a keen follower of the political scene and we often have long discussions. But, one can't play the typical middle-class political hypocrite with him. Voting is a sanctimonious ritual. He goes to often inconveniently situated booths and waits patiently to exercise his franchise. And if you didn't do it too, you are in for serious trouble when you next meet him. From the way you park your cycle in front of a shop to where the neighbourhood wastes are dumped, things need to be done the right way with Grandpa.
He's still enthusiastic about new things. He often tries new gadgets - usually after long debates with salesmen. New exercises and diabetes remedies are tried out with the enthusiasm of a kid. And recently, he borrowed a rather bulky book on Indian political history from me and diligently completed it despite eye problems.
Today is Grandpa's birthday! And this one's dedicated to him... And to grandparents around the world for all the joy they bring to their grandchildren.
